Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
