Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
