Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
