i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Bring me that man meat
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
