i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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