I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
