my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
