so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
