Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
