just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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