Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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