alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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