apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
