She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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