Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
