I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love how my cats smell like pot.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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