He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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