Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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