At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The air taste purple.
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