I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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