I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
