When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My butt remains clenched, sir.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
