You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
