You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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