the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
