so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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