I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
