I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
