he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
