Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
