I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So much rum. So many feels.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
