I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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