i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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