R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
