hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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