i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
