it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
