so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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