I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
