11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
