i already hear my dad disowning me
babies were throwing up all over the place
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
