So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
