The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
