just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
