If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
