Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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