Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
ttyl tear gas
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
