I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
