Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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