How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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