Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
